Validating does not mean necessarily agreeing with everything she says. That said, more along the lines of (1) is the way to go. The fact that (2) is tempting you should give you a clue that it is the emotionally selfish response...
M: 40 W: 37 T: 20 MR: 13 S13, S9, S4 BD: 1/29/18 Sep: 4/23/18 (I moved out) 8/24/18 I come home, she moves out
If you want to get out of the hole, drop the shovel.
