CeMar,

Just for a moment I want you to think about this from your W's point of view.

You know the information, the statistics, the problems, the answers. You have heard it said in several ways, and you believe it. You know there is a problem... but you just can't figure out a solution. Perhaps it's a bit of denial, but lets face it, we all use that on occasion.

Lets imagine your H (YOU) keep bringing up the problem, mentioning books, web sites, pamphlets, counsellors, tv shows, magazine articles... just enough to remind you daily that you are failing him in the marriage. He finds ways to tell you this daily. He masturbates and hopes you'll know about it, which you do. He goes online and chats with people about the problem (she may/may not know about this). He pulls back emotionally, and you know why without asking. You feel sexually unattractive (remember, it's her self esteem issue not yours) and so thinking about getting naked and letting go is totally stressing you out. Besides, he certainly isn't doing much of a job of hiding his feelings of disappointment/anger from you... why should you do anything to change? As far as you can see, it's him that will benefit, and that isn't exactly motivation for you. You may not believe that changes in you will result in changes in him...

Now, why is it you think she should embrace this whole idea???

Quote:

These books actaully give encouragement to LD women that guys can actully reduce their desire for sex. This is the worst advice possible to LD woman. In order to have ANY hope of fixing a LD/HD relationship, both partners must change, but it is the LD partner that has the critical changes to make. The HD partners changes alone will have very little impact on the situation. That's what sucks about our situation, us HD guys can work on the situation, but the elephant in the room is the LD spouse. Us HD spouses really have no control over solving our situation, but the LD spouse has FULL control over the situation.



It may seem like she's running around with all the power, but she may be powerless over the one thing you feel she must control, her sexuality. Not being sexual may actually be a problem for her, but I can't blame her for not wanting to come to you with it... you aren't exactly coming across as Mr. Sensitivity here!

I have a terrible time with my body's reaction to my hormones... some days are 'wow' days, and some more are 'woops' days, where my body just doesn't respond no matter what I do. My dh is extremely sensitive to this, and he will go to extreme measures to help but often it's just not there. If my dh reacted even once like it was a huge problem to him (which I'm sure he's thought of more than once) I'd probably be devestated, and that would NOT make me feel secure in his reaction ever again. Can't see me initiating much after that!

I just want to show you the other side... and although I realize you MAY be Mr. Sensitivity at home, and doing all the right things, I imagine you W is able to 'read between the lines' and she knows what you are really thinking.

Islandgirl