Can I really do this #3

[SteveLW]

"o I also believe that she is living a little vicariously through my D and her friends. She laughs with them, talks boys, etc. I love that they are this close and my D can say anything to her Mom. I want to be sure they always have that kind of communication. I do believe my W is getting some "lost youth" through this and feeding along with her fantasy. Just my opinion as an observer on this."

Funny you mention this. During my W's most wayward period, she had gotten into the habit of, when picking up my D from school, of having 3-4 of my D's friends pile into her car and doing a lot of chatting with exactly what you said. Laugh, talked boys, etc.

Of course if you read my sitch this all exploded after we started piecing because my D and her friend started to act out. My W was heartbroken. And she realized she needed to become a parent again, not a friend. This included phonecalls to the 3-4 friends mothers, some were supportive, at least one was dismissive.

Note, my W was clear with my D that her behavior was inappropriate and that she was contacting the other moms to discuss it with them.

The point, you may think this behavior is helping your W and D's relationship, but moms are supposed to be parents first, and friends second. I am not sure your keeping this secret is the best thing for that. I think she probably needs to come to this realization herself, but I am not sure you enabling it is the right approach either.