Lovely lady I have read through all your threads. Not too tough as your posts are mainly short and not so sweet.

I think you are suffering from cPTSD. It's common in those who have been seriously abused. I am not a doctor but do have experience in abuse counselling.

My first thought is that the trauma needs treatment as well as the anxiety attacks that go with it. It is your mind protecting you and it serves a purpose. Being NC with your abuser is important and I suspect that the avoidant behaviour is to stop and relieve the Trauma.

The trauma goes deeper than this R with the abuser, it likely has it origins in childhood. Have you had or are you having IC?

Are you in an abused women's program in real life? Have you looked at any online resources to help?

You could try the Freedom program which is available online.

I read a great deal of my sitch in yours. So I walk the talk.

It's going to be ok.

V

Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW