That's exactly right, CeMar. Before I read PM, though, I "just didn't get it". I would read Corri's posts and think that she sounded like "You change first, then we'll talk." It sounded unfair. Even in SSM, there's a section called (I think) "Why should I be the one to change?" I think that was very much my question. That's because I saw my marriage (and W) as "broken", and I was the "injured party", and it didn't seem like anything I could change would make much (if any) difference. Even when trying the LL route, it just seemed like a lot of 'tit-for-tat', which had never really worked before. Now, though, I'm starting to see how I can make some fundamental changes in my outlook, and how THAT can change everything. It's all in finding the RIGHT changes to make. However, changes are needed on BOTH sides, and change on ONE side will create "pressure" for change on the OTHER side. However, THIS pressure will come from within, not from without.
