You need to do whatever it takes to create the split in your lives, even if you do not like it. That split is the only reality that she will see, and will show you too, how difficult it is to do something so easy.
But you're not doing it for her, do it for you, see what it's like to be divorced before you actually are - it's a wake up call, but the sooner you do it, the quicker it will hit home with you.
After years of marriage, the familiarity keeps us on the others coaster. Get off hers, and onto yours and the ride will be smoother, more painful at first tho. But this is your life, not hers!
As for the medical aid, agreed, keep her on, and help get her off it at the same time. You cannot daddy her, she must live her life and take responsibility for it. As you need to with yours.
We can all promise you that in a year or two, you'll look back, think about what's occurred, and you will laugh about it. So cry now rather.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
