I simply don't understand...

[hoosjim]

Hornsfa, coupla things.

First, i am interested in your sitch, but you need to walk things back a bit in terms of demeanor. I can tell you from firsthand experience that emotions can naturally run pretty high for the folks on these forums-- after all, most of us are in what is probably the most emotionally taxing sitch we will ever find ourselves in! I recall when i was in your shoes, with a WW in the throes of an affair, how hard it was to hear criticism or even advice that i didn't 100% agree with or which challenged me in some way. I also recall having a hair trigger at times in terms of knee-jerk and immediately responding on the boards before thinking things out first. It's hard not to do with our bodies and minds in the "fight or flight" stance that they are in and likely have been in for weeks or months. I teach a legal writing class and i always tell my students to be careful with the written word-- it is a medium where man traditionally and historically has had the ability, call it a gift, even, of the medium, to be able to ponder what he has "said" and change or even retract it before it is transmitted to the recipient. Social media and the internet have made it easier to ignore that gift of the written word and throw it away. Dont! Consider what you are saying/writing before you hit that "submit" button. The anonymity of the internet makes it oh so much easier and tempting to shoot off something that we might regret later. I myself almost alienated and completely lost touch with one particular poster, Artista, whose insight and contributions ended up being invaluable to me in my journey towards reconcilliation with my W. Don't risk that kind of loss for the hollow satisfaction of venting.

Okay, sermon over. Now for the second thing: your W's continued contact with OM. Here, you need to read up on boundaries... what you are willing to accept and not accept in your journey forward and, if this is something you cannot accept (a violated boundary), what you are going to do about it. Will you establish that as a boundary with your W? How will you react/respond if she violates it? Sandi and others can chime in here as i was pretty crappy at this aspect of DB-ing, although i think in the end i managed to handle it well enough to get across the finish line

Best of luck... and calm down! The folks on here are all here to help you!