Advice for newcomer pre- bomb drop.

[SteveLW]

Wow, there are certainly a lot of red flags there. And I doubt that she has nothing to hide.

A couple of things. First, are you sure that you caught her watching porn and it wasn't another guy on a video chat app, like Facetime? A lot of that going on. Or even a video OM sent her?

Second, I don't trust Tammy. If she is going through a D she likely would help your W out. Could be your W had OM give Tammy his phone to call you. Did you try calling the number from another line to see if he answered? That explanation just doesn't hold any water.

Third, people with nothing to hide don't hide things. The fact that you don't have the PW to your online cell account is a huge red flag.

At a minimum she is in an EA. And there are lots of things here to suggest that she may be in a full blown PA. You said she was spending "a lot of time with a friend going through a D". Hmmmm. How convenient, a friend that is going through a D so would be highly likely to cover for a cheating friend.

Read cadet's links. Pay special attention to sandi's rules. Learn them, and institute them. Especially this one: Trust nothing she says and only half of what he does.

GAL! GAL like a madman. Start getting out with friends and spending time without your WW. (Yes, she seems very wayward at this time.) 180 on behaviors that have gotten you no where, like the snooping. No more snooping. Detach! Read the thread on detachment, and learn it. Detaching in your situation is critical. You have to let her go to get her back. And you have to give her the time and space she needs. Also, become the H only a fool would leave!

You have an opportunity here. This seems like it is early in your wife's waywardness. I am a firm believer, based on my own experience, that if you catch it early and institute DBing methods, then you can bring your current MR to an end, and begin a new one afresh with your W. This is the way you need to look at it, your old MR is dead. To continue on you must forge a new MR.

Good luck and stay active here. You'll get outstanding advice.