My WAS - looking help and thanks in advance PART 2

[Surfer]

Ovr,

She is playing with you. A few points (some made buy others).

Start seeing the games (and don't engage) - accidental touching, flirty behaviour (including non-necessary convos). Let her be lonely in her new life.

I bought anniv presents. Buying creates guilt - remorse, but only do it if you respect the marriage and explain that. So do something small but preferably just leave a card and if she does not open it don't be upset. I was still 100% in pursuit mode and I'd probably tell myself not to get a thing. It's all opinion based.

She is putting the ring back on at work and asking you not to tell people as she knows what people will think - and they will!!!

I think at some points validation is good. But try validating not always in a caring way. Perhaps more plain speaking (i.e. not vindictive). Kind of ..sounds hard but I suppose those are the consequences for your actions..seems like you are going to have to deal with this.

In terms of talking to family. As I have said before, my take is only talk to those people you can trust not to get involved. You are telling people to help you cope. That is it. Don't throw her under the bus, but if she asks, say you talk to those who support you for you and you tell the truth. I think that is perhaps the best way to deal with it.

Keep the convos short. Like you are speaking to the neighbour who called about their cat, but you are busy. I used to find it best to say the following when she was in mid flow ...sorry I have to go, I will call later. Then keep repeating this and tell her and do put the phone down - then turn it off. Set up a standard response on your messaging to say ..cant talk at the moment.

You need to leave her to her own new life and see how she enjoys it. Not stay there with her - supporting her. I am telling you because I got it wrong too!!

Surfer.