Jim, thanks for your thoughts. For better or worse, I don't think my husband's family is a factor. His mother has severe dementia and can't function on her own. His father hasn't seemed to influence much since my husband spends most of his time with his father and brothers when he comes to our city. If his father was encouraging him to spend time with our daughter then he wouldn't host him the whole time at their place. One of my friends here knows my husband's brother and said her husband saw him somewhere and my husband's brother expressed his disagreement at what my husband's done to us. So I guess my husband's increased interest in our daughter is driven by him, but he could fade away at any time. It would almost be better if someone else was involved but that doesn't seem to be the case. I did also see a lawyer prior to moving up here and we determined that what my husband would need to pay each month is the same as what he's paying now. He's actually paying for everything - I only just got paid for the first time last week and now I have debt on my credit card which I've never had before so I need to pay that off. The main benefit if we were to divorce right now would be to ask my husband to pay off the credit card debt, since he can afford to do so if he re-prioritizes, and to ask for an emergency fund-type lump sum of cash because I depleted my own savings over the past five years for our previous crises when our daughter was born and I needed a live-in nanny. I'm putting the financial conversation on hold for the time being until I get a better sense of what I can earn here where we're at, being the sole care taker of our daughter, and until we sell our house where my husband resides.
Steve and KML, suicide does seem selfish in the sense that it punishes those who are left behind but it seems that people who do it don't see another option. I volunteered for a suicide hotline many years ago and people who called saying they were about to commit suicide were known to call because they wanted someone to talk them out of it. Someone who actually does it without any advance warning must be truly ill. It's hard to understand. I just don't want to wake up one day and learn my husband killed himself. This drives me to try to be as kind as possible given what he's done to us.
All, this is just a general complaint, but my daughter and I have been sick for most of the past month and currently my daughter's been off school for most of the past week. I've had to take time off work and we're just stuck at home most of the time and my daughter keeps crying all day from strep throat pain that hasn't improved with antibiotics. These are times when I'd give anything to have a partner to help out. My friend sent me a message yesterday saying she had a headache and her husband took their daughter out for the whole day while she rested. It's such a luxury when there are two parents to help care for children.
