Divorce and Acceptance- Part 2

[ciluzen]

Hey Pax.
It sounds like you have been thinking a lot about this and are concerned. What you say makes sense and could very well be a possibility. The question is, what can or are you willing to do about it?

I hear the concern that you have for him as a fellow human being and as a person that you once loved intensely, and even as someone you still care about on some level after all that has happened. With all that is in the news and the inability to have that deep, intimate discussion with him due to the circumstances surrounding your relationship at this time, it sort of leaves you feeling concerned yet powerless. The fact is, with someone who is even in a loving relationship and is open about their feelings of wanting to die, it may not be possible for another to change their mind. It may happen anyway. You never know how strong the negative voice in someone's head is or how convincing.

With that said, what are you willing to do to to involve yourself in his life to ease your own mind? You could alert his family by saying just what you are saying now and include some resource literature in whatever means of notification you choose. You could reach out to him directly with your concerns, however that might be used against you or affect him in an unintended way. You could share your thoughts with your attorney and see what she/he suggests.

I have had those concerns, as well, about my own XH for quite a while. I was particularly concerned when he was going through his emergency health issues last summer.I was able to voice them to my daughters to alert them (they speak to him more often, for obvious reasons), but I'm at a place where I can still check in on him and listen.

If you are up to it, go ahead and ask him how he is doing. Sometimes all of the anger someone shows is coming from a source of pain and hurt and a feeling that they are unloveable. If you don't feel that anyone could honestly love you, then why would you believe that people who say they love you are honest? If they are not honest, then they are lying to you and it follows that they are after something from you to use you or hurt you. Its easier to be angry than to acknowledge the feeling of unworthiness. But its usually there. And that's the danger.So, with all that is going on, you might go ahead and show that you are concerned about him. Ask him how he is. You may get"fine" as your answer. Its up to you to ask further.

Divorce really can bring out the worst in people when fears and lack of understanding take over, and sometimes things are exacerbated by those "helping" the process. Good on you for looking past the anger of the process and still being able to see the person in the STBX. And for wanting to help him.You are pretty good at this "humanity" thing.