Last night we played a dice game, and when my friends's wife brought out the notepad to mark the score and rules, she noted that they hadn't played in years, that the last time that they played was with the two of them, me and W. That just started up the memory train.
This morning I got up and went for an hour long walk, listening to a podcast, just to get moving. I kept getting flooded with beautiful memories of the two of us together. So much of the marriage was so good, and there was so much love - love like I have never otherwise experienced in my life. I started bawling as I was walking down the secluded path. It just hit me - how good I had it, what a beautiful thing it was that somehow got destroyed, and I feel like the finality of it being over is hitting me even harder now that I have left town.
I am getting worried more and more about the trip. All this time alone is hard to deal with. At home I had work, my commute on bike, my exercise, regular time with friends, a routine that was strange but comforting. Now, I just have acres and acres of time to think about things. Plus both of my wrists are hurting with carpal tunnel syndrome and I don't know if I can climb for a while...
Just down. I know this is the roller coaster, but it is hard not to get motion sick, and hard to realize that this part of the ride will end.
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
