Divorce and Acceptance- Part 2

[Pax_luv]

Hello DB friends,
Been a long while since I've posted. I still pop in when I can to get caught up, but haven't Had time to formulate any responses. Things should calm down soon, I hope. In the meantime, I hope you are well.

I've been thinking about ex husband for a few weeks now and I've gotten to the point where I may need some advice.

This is a very serious topic and not one I take likely, so here goes.....
What do you know about MLCers and suicide? Any particular warning signs?
I've read tons and tons on MLC and depression.
Here's the background on why I'm asking---

If you've followed along with my sitch you will know that ex is a mastermind when it comes to financial evasions.

One of my biggest fears during separation was that I knew ex really well and knew he would do ANYTHING not to lose. He was a "cut off his nose to spite his face" kind of guy.

Well, all my fears have come to fruition and it has been a nightmare of a divorce. It wasn't until the last few months that the court has intervened and told him to stop playing games. He also had financial sanctions placed on him.

Even with court orders, he is refusing to comply and I think he may be getting seriously backed into a corner. He can no longer stack lies on lies on lies and he has to start coming clean. I fear he may even be put in jail for contempt.

Knowing what I know of him, I have this underlying fear that suicide may be an option for him.... And when it pops up in my mind, I immediately push it aside and make excuses for my thoughts---- saying I'm just paranoid, recognizing that I will always love him and have concern for his wellbeing, etc. And I keep telling myself that for all I know he could be blissfully alright with everything and this divorce could be no more than nuisance he must deal with.

Here's the deal- I have zero insight into his life and I have no idea if he is happy. I dont know who is in his life right now and if they actually care for him (he's a really tough person to be around and not someone you can get close to). He's been depressed before and was on antidepressants. This was before I met him (not sure if it was after he left his first wife or before), his older brother died of a drug overdose when ex was a pre teen, though my ex thought it was intentional. This scarred him deeply. My ex talked about suicide and always said he would never do it because he was too chicken (he never attempted). He has guns. He had even written a poem about suicide before we were together and I had seen it, though I don't remember the context. He had meds for anti anxiety and claustrophobia. He had a huge fear of being trapped. Trapped in elevators, relationships, jobs, etc.

when we were married, he did not have a close relationship with his family. He had cut-off relatives (and vice versa) on both his moms and dads side of the family. He had surface-level relationships with his parents and sister and bro in law, but complained about them all. He seriously didn't have anything nice to say about any of them.

They also reiterated to me how difficult it was to be with him and told me I was a saint for putting up with him.

When we separated, they all cut me out completely, Clearly it runs in the family.

So, at the end of the day, unless this divorce has forced him to make changes and make amends with his family, I don't know if anyone is looking out for him and genuinely cares for him. I don't know if there's anyone in his life who would catch on to any warning signs (if he's displaying any to them).

With suicide being in the news a lot this past week... I can't help but get a sinking feeling in my gut. Ex is backed into a corner, he is probably feeling trapped and needs to find a way out. What is he going to do? Is he going to come clean so we can officially part ways of will he continue to evade? How much more evading can he do?

What I've stated above are major red flags, but im going off my relationship with him from the past. This is just me using insight into what I KNEW about him, as I know nothing about him now. His current actions certainly don't represent someone a-ok with their life.

We don't have a relationship at all. actually, up until about a month ago, he and I had not spoken to each other face to face in over a year and half and we were forced to over a dog issue. Since then, there has been zero contact again.

I've seriously considered writing him an email and just plainly asking him if he's ok. I've thought about asking him when I drop off the dog (I never actually see him). I'm not sure what to do or if I'm making something up. Truth is, I don't know who he is anymore. Maybe I am just paranoid.

Thoughts?