Moving past the WAW to a stronger me Pt. 2

[Davide]

So I am out of town. Just spent the first night with an old college friend and his family. Good times!

In terms of the goodbyes with the W. It was a bit awkward. When I arrived at the house, she was still asleep. But, evidently, the dog had opened the door to the bedroom, so it was wide open. Seeing her sleep peacefully and beautifully was tough. I closed the door to give her privacy. The dog was making a racket running around on the hardwoods with her claws, but she kept on sleeping.

I had basically packed up 95 percent of my things when she finally came out. She helped look for a couple of things and then made us both some coffee and we sat on the couch to talk. Again, I was positive and upbeat and steered the conversation to light-hearted fare. She did mention Anthony Bourdains suicide since we both enjoyed his show, but that was it in terms of downbeat conversation. I asked her about her climbing, since that is what she is most passionate about, and we talked about that. I have a little carpal tunnel from climbing and she got out her massage books to look up what to do, and ended up giving me a splint.

At one point she pointed out my new shirt and said how nice it looked on me, and then noticed I had new shoes and complimented them as well. When I told her that I was posting my trip pics on instagram, her utter surprise was evident in her big eyes and she said "You, what?" She clearly didnt expect that from me.

Later, she asked me a bit more about my trip and I told her the thing I was most looking forward to was the little mini-reunion with former students who really meant a lot to me but whom I have not seen in a decade. I think, maybe, I was getting a bit emotional as I talked about, but, in any case, W completely lost it as her eyes filled to the brims and she started sobbing. I asked her if it was ok to give her a hug (I did make a little screw up by using our pet name for one another, which I have assiduously avoided). So I gave her a hug, and she held on extra long and then squeezed extra hard, and then told me again how damn skinny I am right now. After that, she took my hand and started massaging it (for the carpal tunnel).

When I went outside to leave, she took a picture for my instagram, and then was walking around checking the tires, making sure everything was okay. We gave each other another shorter hug, and I took off.

Again, I think that I handled everything in the way that I wanted to, except for the one slip up. I showed her the man that I want to be in the meeting, a man happy with his life and positive in his outlook. Her desire to move out still hasnt wavered, and I validated her in that. This time though, I was struck by the sadness of the situation, and the possible finality of the goodbye as I drove away. It all sort of hit me on my way out of town and I felt like I had used up all of my strength to get through the encounter and that I was just wasted from the effort. There wasnt the same feeling of positivity like after the previous meetings. I wasnt upset or unhappy with how it went at all, just sad and anxious about the future.

Now that I am at my friends house, I am GALing and already moving past those feelings. I am sure that the warmth of friendship and family and the benefit of distance will help me further detach.

My one silly question to end this with: W went into the car and cleared out all of her cds (music is important to her). However, she left her favorite cd in the player. Would it be pursuity to mail it back to her?