Probably the wrong way to think, but i feel that if the truth comes out she will at least have to acknowledge and maybd that will help to accelerate our recovery
Here is what I suspect how you see all of this in your mind, maybe subconsciously. If the cards are laid out with the truth staring her in the face, then logically speaking, she'd almost have to admit it. Once she admits it, the MR can begin to heal. Do I have it about right?
There have been many stories posted about H's who would confront the WW with solid evidence (printed text messages, photos, tape recordings, etc), and she would still deny it. There are some WW's who will admit part of the truth, or it will trickle out a little at a time. Some WW's confess to a level less than the full truth. In other words, she may say they only kissed a couple of times, when in reality they slept together. I remember a few stories where the H told of his WW confessing that she met with OM to have sex, but then couldn't go through with it b/c she was thinking about him. I just don't buy it. One LBH told how his WW claimed she & OM were having intercourse and she stops and goes home b/c she just felt so bad about what she was doing to her H. All of that stuff is WW b.s.
Anyway, back to her admitting to the truth, the point I wanted to make with you is at the point of confrontation, the WW very rarely agrees to what the H wants. What I'm saying is you cannot assume that confessing the truth will automatically end their A and start recovering the M. Yes, of course that would be the first step.......but I just don't want you thinking this is going to happen that easily. I remember exceptional few cases where the WW confessed the truth and told the H she would do whatever was necessary to save the M. Even then, they didn't stick to it.
From what I remember in most accounts, the WW would go to what she saw as being the next step in ending the M. I am being very realistic, b/c I don't want you putting all your hope into believing recovering the MR automatically begins if she admits the truth if/when she's confronted. Prepare for her to suggest separation......and maybe even start the paperwork for D. That doesn't mean your M will never be saved. Sometimes, these are just steps in getting there. So, whenever this "doesn't feel like DBing", tell yourself this can still get you to where you want to be.
Not to discourage you, but as to inform you and so you won't be totally caught unprepared........you need to realize how differently she views all of this. Many H's see confronting the WW as the beginning of repairing the MR. Although that would be necessary in reconciling..........he seems to overlook the fact she is not interested in saving it. Therefore, what's his next move? You have to think outside the lines. I've seen so many guys get pumped about confronting the WW and getting to hear her admit her A. But that's where his plan stopped, b/c he didn't think in terms that she wouldn't want to continue the M.
Just to be clear, I am on your side, and I hear you saying it is important to know for certain about the A, and that she admits it. You are not wrong to need this. FWIW, I would feel the same way as you.
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Just to maks sure that im clear on doing everything for her. I should stop doing everything but just my share and leave the rest? Ehat should i do if she doesnt do her part. For example, grocery shopping...obviously that has to be done at some point? Should i say something to her, ask her nicely, or just let her know that im not doing it?
Well, you have to stay balanced in your thinking here. I am saying if you do all of the housework, cooking, yard word, laundry, shopping, etc............what is left for her to do? See what I mean? If you are doing all the chores to make things easier for her.....then stop it. If you are doing it all to make her feel better, and hopefully, put her in a better mood.......then stop it. If you are doing all the work to influence her feelings toward you......then stop it. If you are doing all the work b/c she act likes an entitled princess.....then stop it. (Do I need to keep going, or do you get the picture? ). You and the kids shouldn't go without food in the house just b/c she's too sorry to go to the grocery store. Use common sense on some of these. And, he!! no, don't ask her nicely. Does the woman not even know what her job is at home? If you've always done everything for the princess......then maybe she doesn't. Honestly, you nice guys! No wonder she doesn't respect you. (Assuming you have always done everything for her, or so that she didn't have to do it......which equals to the same thing). And, please don't tell me it's b/c you love doing all that work. Anyway, make sure you and your son have clean clothes and something to eat. As for telling her you aren't doing it any more........hummmm, don't you think she would figure it out? I do believe it might be the response if she gets pi$$y about it not getting done. Don't make a speech about it, just say it.
Since this seems complicated (for several nice guys, I might add), maybe I should state this way........don't go out of your way to clean up her mess, or to see that she has something to eat, or that she has clean clothes to wear, or that her car has been serviced.........see what I mean? Stop taking care of her, b/c she has fired you. Don't be her personal assistant, like celebrities have. Oh, and when you pull back, she'll probably get pi$$ed, so just expect it......but don't start making some type of pronouncement, or giving explanations, etc. Just let her get upset. She needs to put on her big girl panties and do it herself.
Wow! Speaking of over-explaining!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
). You and the kids shouldn't go without food in the house just b/c she's too sorry to go to the grocery store. Use common sense on some of these. And, he!! no, don't ask her nicely. Does the woman not even know what her job is at home? If you've always done everything for the princess......then maybe she doesn't. 
Honestly, you nice guys! No wonder she doesn't respect you. (Assuming you have always done everything for her, or so that she didn't have to do it......which equals to the same thing). And, please don't tell me it's b/c you love doing all that work. Anyway, make sure you and your son have clean clothes and something to eat. As for telling her you aren't doing it any more........hummmm, don't you think she would figure it out? I do believe it might be the response if she gets pi$$y about it not getting done. Don't make a speech about it, just say it.
