Our S keeps asking me why I'm sad. I may be able to keep my composure in front of her most of the time...but around just him, I can't do it.
I miss having my family together. It is really, really hard to deal with the fact that she is just...gone. And he knows I'm sad.
He brought me his blanket and gave me a hug. He's the sweetest little boy ever.
But other than my weekends with him, I'm pretty much isolated from anyone I really care about. And that [censored], because I know that tomorrow night, she will pick him up, and I'll be alone again.
He keeps asking why I'm sad. He's not even 4 yet. I just tell him that I miss him and mommy living with me. I can't explain any of this to him...or at least I don't know how.
She spent so much energy telling me to fix myself and I couldn't at the time. Now I'm working hard to make improvements, do DB, and I'm really not seeing anything helping the situation.
I really don't want to lose her forever. I don't want to lose my family.
I know they're gone, but I really, really don't want it to be forever.
I feel like it's going to be though.
Sorry. I'm just having a really bad day today. I need a freaking miracle.
