Organic Blue Sky

[HaWho]

Thanks Gerda, KML, Ownit, Andrew, Bttrfly, Roist and DNJ for all the kind words and pearls of wisdom.

Gordie - as to how I am, I'm okay. I had a rough beginning to the week. I felt like there was a cinder block on my chest; there was so much pain over all that has happened. It went on for several days and then passed. And when it did, I recognized I felt stronger. I know it's all part of the healing.

There are always new pangs. Just yesterday, I was emailing with a client and seeing my last name he asked if I was of a certain descent. I paused because it's my husband's last name. I did contemplate having a little bit of fun by telling the client "yes, he's of x descent, but he's also just plain crazy! He was convinced I was trying to poison him so we're divorcing now." Oh, the ways I could really make the work day more interesting.

Speaking of ex, this week I received another hand written note from him. This one was mailed to me. Maybe he mailed it to ensure I received it because the last Costco one was hand delivered by s and I never even acknowledged it. I felt a real dread when I saw it with his hand writing on it. Inside was proof that he's paid his life insurance policy for the next 6 months and a handwritten note explaining so. At first I thought it was some sort of threat. Like he was sending it to me to tell me he was cancelling it after 6 months. Then, I worried maybe he was in a really dark place and he paid it in advance because of this.

I had to text him about something to do with the kids. I kept it very business like and simple but he just went right into anger. He is just SO angry. He accused me of doctoring the text conversations I showed in court several weeks ago. Ignore. He called me a liar. Ignore. He blamed me (again) for things that happened in my depression that I have apologized for numerous times (no, not affairs, really things that didn't even impact him). Ignore. There were several paranoid statements. Ignore.

The best part, is all I did was ask a simple question and there he was back to blowing up my phone. Ignore.

I am busy with helping my kids grow up, with work and with friendships. I am taking better care of myself again. I have faith that better days are ahead of me and that there is a plan for me (which hopefully does not involve MLC).