Am I Piecing, or Pi$$ing in the wind???

[Clyde]

Clyde, very sorry you're going through this. I would definitely not call this piecing, what it sounds like in every one of your posts in this thread is a marriage on the brink of failing. I can't decide who is poised to drop the bomb, it could be either you or your wife frankly.

AS,

Thanks for both the condolences and advice. You are right about this not being piecing, along w/ either of us being poised to drop the bomb, as a mater of fact, rather than "pissing in the wind", my next thread might be called "pissing on the tombstone of my marriage".

What the two of you are doing is clearly not working. Lots of resentment and anger building. Lots of passive/aggressive behavior from both of you.

Please, if you don't mind, can you give me some examples of my passive/aggressive behavior (or any other ways I may be sabotaging our M). Maybe I am being one sided.

Time to get back to your DB'ing basics. Read the book again. You can't change her behavior, but you CAN change your behavior and THAT can change her behavior.

I Started reading DR again few weeks ago, I kinda sidelined it for a bit as I started reading NMMNG again, I'm really taking my time going through NMMNG this go round, examining how it relates to me and my NGS.

And if she doesn't change her behavior, then there need to be repercussions..

I don't know brother, I thought I was at the repercussions part already, sounds like you and a few others might think I am jumping the gun on it, you have all given me more than enough reason to pause and reconsider as I really value all of your guy's points of view. And from the outside, perhaps it is more clear.

I think you are pursuing her far too aggressively given her tepid involvement in the M. She keeps blowing off her marital responsibilities and you keep rescuing her. All that is doing is making her lose respect for you. So what do you do, well you pull back, give her time and space, get out and GAL. Leave her to figure her crap out while you go on with a great life.

I agree with you about the lack of respect, her tepid involvement, I have pulled back, and plan to continue, as you have read I am finding it hard to be cordial to her, perhaps that is something I need to address. The other complicated part is our financial sitch, I could use her help, and at this point in the dilemma, that requires R talk. As far as GAL, I continue to ramp it up every given opportunity.

And for heaven's sake, stop the hour-long foot rubs nearly every day. Meanwhile she's a massage therapist that won't touch you. ARE YOU SERIOUS???

Yeah, hard to figure out who is more oblivious in this sitch, or better yet, maybe I'm just oblivious and she is just cold hearted selfish!

I'm officially taking away your man-card until you earn it back, LOL!

LMAO (as sad as it is), yeah I deserve that one.

And can you clarify something, you are 3 months behind on your mortgage and worried about foreclosure and just dealt with your electricity getting shut off, and your W takes D on a day-long shopping trip for TWO new dresses and shoes and such for a.... school dance? Am I really reading that right? I think you need to give some serious thoughts to what your priorities are and get your life back on track. All these attempts to appease your W are just killing you and your M. Time to man up!

And so here is the catch 22, I am 100% in agreement w/ you. I have always controlled all financial dealings in our house, the W is working now and has her own money, in an attempt to be less controlling, I have asked little about her finances. To her credit she has been putting what I am guessing to be 99% of her pay to household bills up to know. How ever there is nothing set in stone.

I suggested D13 gets 1 dress and uses it for both the dance and 8th grade promotion, I had no idea she was getting shoes too! (W even came home w/ a new pair of shoes for herself). It's one of those things... pick my battles, if I put my foot down she would of done as she pleased, or lied and said the "sister" paid for them.

And then you have the tax return, I do not know what her intentions were here. After she got her taxes done she told me what she was getting back ($5200), if she planned on not contributing that to the household, then why did she not lie about the amount then? I occurred a lot of late penalties on CC's along w/ the mortgage that she was aware of while sitting on this money. I had no idea she made that payment arrangement w/ the elec. company or for how much, why did she not just take care of it? Why are we still sitting here to this day at risk of foreclosure?

Four months ago, before things were as bleak as they are now, I decided to sell my nice mountain bike and down grade to free up some cash, she knows how much that bike means to me, 7-8 years ago I built it piece by piece as I could buy the parts, not to mention I have been mountain biking weekly for the past few months. Anyhow, like I said I bought a more modest bike putting the rest of the money to the household, about two weeks ago I was sitting on the back patio w/ her, I told her that I was gonna have to sell my bike to get some cash. I thought she would of at least been like, "Gosh, that really bites, I know how much you have been enjoying riding lately... sorry babe, we'll get you another soon." Rather her response was nonchalant, and then to find out she was sitting on that money!!@!@!