Newbie In Need Of Guidance #3

[rminer]

I wanted to encourage you to stay the course. My W showed many of the same changes early on in our turnaround.

I feel like she is being sincere, but I just don't know. My fear is that she is putting on a tremendous act to cover things up and I'm feeding in to it. I say this because I want so badly for these signs to be real, I could be reading more in to them than what is actually there. I'm not embellishing anything I say she is doing, but the warnings I've read about the WW's mindset makes me very leery.

If I stay the course and don't call her out about the A yet, will things ever really get better? Will her feelings for me ever have a chance to return the way I am doing things?

I think these changes say more about where the A might be. While they may not be completely out of contact, it sounds like 1 or both are moving on from it.

You could be right, but to me there is still way too much contact for one of them to be moving on. I could be wrong, but the way they interacted the other night tells me this too. This is where my confusion comes in. I don't know if both of these could coexist and both be real.

I know I don't fully understand the WW's mindset and I probably never will, but even with all of these positive signs I have the overwhelming gut feeling that she is just cake eating.

Maybe I'm just paranoid, but I have no trust for her at all right now about anything. I just can't bring myself to do it.

Obviously I don't know this for sure, but at some point you may want to address the fact that keeping your son in that troop may not be the best for the MR, and that you may need to find a new Scout Troop to join.

Absolutely true. She is the treasurer and does most of the event planning, so needless to say she is heavily involved with the pack. Getting her to agree to move him will take getting her to end the A. At least that will be the "easiest" route.

It will be a struggle to accomplish this with the A going on, but it needs to be done - without using S8 as a pawn. Not sure how I will do it because she is home all of the time and will control it more. Me saying "because I said so" won't work either. My W is as bullheaded as they come and will do the exact opposite just to spite me. Scouts is her excuse to be in contact with the OM.

I would hold back a bit on initiating the hand holding. The reason is that she may have used the hand holding as a control method, and you starting the initiation has given her a sense that she has you back where she wants you.

Very true. Me taking her hand was more of a test to see her reaction. I didn't think of it the way you put it.

Just stay the course!

Are you suggesting I still keep my knowledge of the A quite and don't confront yet? It is getting very hard and I can feel my emotions boiling over at times. They are getting harder and harder to keep in check. I have almost made sarcastic comments referring to her A several times recently, but I have caught myself. I'm not sure how much longer I can go on like this.

By her own words, she likes me again. How will she ever begin to love me again with the OM in the picture? I'm not sure doing what I am doing will encourage her to end it.

The original intent of doing things the way I am was to gain her respect back and show her I could be the H she wants and that I want to be with her. I think I am showing her I want to be with her, but I'm not sure I am accomplishing the rest.

I just feel like I am fighting a losing battle.