My wife (and business partner) of 15 years told me she was throwing in the towel 11 days ago. We had been separated for 5 weeks and had planned to work things out when she returned. I was initially angry when she abruptly left but over time I came to see how I was being controlling. I read a book she sent and understood her point. I am done with the old habits and feel great. I also offered to take over our business to remove the stress and give her total freedom. I was looking forward to a much better life with her. She started becoming skeptical that I could change quickly after reading some books and then decided to give up shortly after. But the books she read mention extreme examples that don't apply and I no longer act or want to be controlling.
I wrote her a note that I had changed my ways and that her books were mentioning extreme situations. Her therapist also seems to support her belief that I was emotionally abusive (controlling) and I assume is supportive in her decision to leave. I asked her to at least read the Divorce Remedy and would respect her decision either way. The last I heard it was still on her to do list. In the meantime I have stopped the pursuit and have started to get a life and do fun activities.
She moved in with a friend and will be in town for the summer then moving a few hours away with her parents to start a new life. She is upbeat and enjoying her new freedom. We have been getting along really well and I have not mentioned the past or the future since she returned. I have been helping her get her own car and being kind and supportive (as usual). But she is already talking about separate car insurance etc.
Friends and family are telling me that I may have to wait until the euphoria dies down and reality sets in which might be well after she moves away. However the possibility of reconnection will be much more complicated at that point.
I have been a very accommodating and loving husband, but controlling at times and mostly in our business (boss/employee). Since none of my committed efforts have changed anything I am starting to feel this is more of a case of mid-life/walk away.
The questions I have are:
1) Should I act as if I am fine with her decision even though I don't agree with her information or reasoning?
2) I have not apologized in person for my past behavior, I only did so in emails while she was gone. Should I do that now in person or is that talking about the past?
3) Is it okay to politely ask questions that might reveal flaws in her plan to move in with her parents (which would mean talking about the future)?
4) Should I be proactive with starting to separate our assets/accounts or even starting the legal separation process if nothing changes and she prepares to move away?
