I simply don't understand...

[Hornsfa]

So here is where I am now...

My last day at the extended stay hotel was last night but they would have let me stay one more night. The apartment that was available to me would be ready tomorrow (Friday). I was going to sign a six month lease, plus pet deposits/rent. So i get back to the hotel and do the math.

I know the issues she is dealing with are 1A me and 1B our finances, coupled with the MLC and I suspect not enough HRT from her hysterectomy in Feb. Plus I did blow up her affair and I tend to believe she has not had much contact with him since then.

So, when I saw the math for me to live in an apt, and compared that monthly cost to the bills I know about, I broke no contact and told her we needed to have a face to face about our finances and my apartment. She agreed.

We met and I had several spreadsheets showing bills, the consolidation loan i took out, and how various scenarios played out. It was probably the best conversation we had in weeks. She agreed to let me back in the house. And she still wanted the divorce. So I told her as a token of good faith, I would fill out the papers for her (we are not contesting anything thats worth lawyers being involved) and told her she could take the filing fee out of my account. I filled out the papers last night... not sure if she took the money or not.

So at least i am back in the house... here is where I need some feedback please.

Just a few texts all day - and they all seemed good spirited and included some lol's. She told me she was in meetings all day and could not update her bills spreadsheets, and I told her I was in no hurry (I am) and would wait for her to get some time.

It was bulk pickup day, so I got as much out of the garage and to the curb so she could park her car in the garage. I did not do this for thanks or any other reason - I had a broke arm and could not do it previously. So I got enough done for her to get into the garage.

When she got home, she did not park in the garage. I did not hear her come in, but i heard her shut her bedroom door. So i got up and saw it was shut and asked if she was ok. She said yes. When she opened the door after changing clothes, I told her I did not want her feeling uncomfortable, and if I needed to close my door I would. She didnt say anything. I told her to have a good night and left.

I needed something from my car and thats when I found out she did not park in the garage. I got what i needed, came back in, asked for her car keys, pulled her car into the garage, gave her keys back, and told her have a good night again.

She made no promises last night. She told me to imagine her feelings were in a bucket... that she gave and gave and her bucket is empty for me. I told her I understand why she feels that way, and I want to try to refill that bucket. She knows that I will not stop trying until the ink is dry. And last night, I could tell she was processing what I was saying about how we never even tried to fix this with counseling.

So, not sure what to think, what to do. One of our problems in the past was we come home from work and are exhausted and would lay in bed. I've decided that before I get in bed, I will go for a walk. I have not asked her to walk with me for a few weeks since the answer was always no, but it made me want to tell her just get dressed. we dont have to talk. We just have to walk.

Any thoughts/suggestions?