Don, why would you be able to love a child but not a partner? Why is it so hard to love again? I feel this too, so im just asking not trying to psychoanalyze you or anything.
Ginger, you said something about making a new life. I think maybe it still feels wrong. Like its still hard to accept that my ex is not in my life. That new life will be with someone not my ex. It cant be with ex and thats not because of my choices. Its done. Its over. An elected death.
He is the one that unilaterally made the decision to leave. I never found proof of cheating. I am pretty sure he had some casual relationships after we had separated. But no one that really seems to have lasted. (Again purely speculative based on sons descriotions of playdates with moms who i assume are single and kids that are not his age)
I dont have hard core proof that it was drugs although everything points this way. Except that he got a raise at work and looks good.
I was fantasizing that we were made to live together by some outside force. How i would not be able to sleep with him, or even eat a meal with him because of how uncomfortable it would be. Yet it still was something i would want.
But i do miss the old times and how our lives should have been.
I dont know if it was drugs that made him abandon us. I just dont have real info like everyone else on these forums. Or like other partners on the drug forums. If he didnt cheat. If it was a disease can i really hate him? Is it fair to villify like i could if he cheated.
When i believe he did nit cheat, nut had a drug problen i still love him. If he cheated on me i would not love him cause i would have no sympathy for a cheater.
Its all me putting puzzle pieces together. I think if i knew for sure it would be easier.
Last edited by job; 06/07/1811:26 PM. Reason: added link to previous thread
