As far as detaching while living at home the best way is to be out when shes home doing something. Preferably something productive like excersing or volunteering or spending time with family and friends. Do not pursue her or initiate relationship talks.
A year and a half ago when my W dropped the bomb she said she felt trapped. I stopped all pursuing and pressure and a year in a half later we are divorced but still living together and she keeps asking to stay longer. Now I feel trapped lol.
Now imo if your W is in an A she is going to want to get out quick, especially if OM starts putting pressure on her. The thing is you have to let her go. State one time that this is not what you want but you understand that this what she wants and let her go. You can not reason with her. You think logically, I will lose my family, half my time with kids, and half my assets. She thinks emotionally, I have these feelings when I am with OM that I havent felt with F in 20 years. You cant compete with that right now. Be a great dad, get in shape, read relationship books, books on alpha male characteristics. If you do this the odds are very likely you will get a chance at reconciliation or find someone better. There are no shortcuts in this process.
If she brings up D or relationship talks listen and validate her feelings. Do not try to reason, threaten beg or plead for another chance.
I promise you that you will get through this and have a great life if you are willing to do the work. Read Accuray and JRUSS threads when you have time.
I am really sorry you are going through this you seem like a really good dude.
