Affair, no feelings...is there hope? IV

[sandi2]

I can so tangibly feel that everything rests on my ability to succeed, I do feel immense pressure.

I just want to inject something, regarding your ability to succeed. The root problem is her lack of respect for you. That is what killed her feelings of sexual attraction. I have told you what you will need to do in order to have her show respect. Whether or not she feels the respect, is up to her. We can't force another person to feel a certain way. Normally, when a H commands respect, the W will begin to feel admiration for him. In her mind, it equates strength........which is the only thing waywards respect. At first, she may not like having to show him respect, especially when she is rebelling. If he will stick with it, her feelings will catch up.

That decision is ultimately up to her. She can decide to show her H proper respect, or live in a constant battle of wills with him. I have known some WW's who were so hard hearted and bent on doing things their way (big or small), that they would not give an inch. This is when the H has to say, "Enough", and dump her.

In my sitch, I was the one coming to the board and getting the tools, instead of my LBH. I also had knowledge of a lot of this information I share today. So, I knew I was suppose to respect my H. When the scripture tells wives to submit to their H, that means she is to honor/respect him. I knew that a long, long time before I had an A. But, I didn't feel respect for him as my H or as a man. When I finally made the decision to do the right thing, I ended all contact with OM. My actions were based on what I knew was the right thing to do.......they were not based on my feelings. I withheld sarcastic remarks/comebacks, watched my facial/body language, tone of voice, attitude, etc........so as not to deliberately show disrespect. In other words, I intentionally acted respectful toward my H, although I didn't have those feelings to match at the time. I'm not sure exactly when the feelings caught up with the actions, but I think it was after I truly felt remorse for the things I had done to my H. One day I noticed that it was not only showing respect, but I felt it, as well.

As you know, it takes me writing a book to get to my main point.....which I haven't done yet. I don't want you to feel as if the success of your MR rests solely on your shoulders. As a Christian, I do believe God holds the H accountable for a lot, but He also gave the W free will. Along with inheriting Adam's old sin nature, you can see how challenging a MR can be. You do your very best in holding her wayward feet to the fire, and the rest is up to her. If the M fails, it doesn't mean you failed to do your job as a man/husband. Okay? God is on your side, 44! He will give you the strength and insight to get through this hard time.