Affair, no feelings...is there hope? IV

[SteveLW]

"You are right, she definitely trusts me. I think she still feels a high level of trust and closeness with me, despite everything. I believe this is where all the "I need you and don't know how to live without you" stuff comes from. It just isn't in a romantic way right now. "

44 this is huge. And you are in a better place than a lot of LBHs. Most of us had acted our way out of being trusted and having our WAWs feel close to use. It occurred slowly and over a long period of time.

"She doesn't respect me and that is the key. I KNOW this is what I have to fix and I know the things I need to do to make it happen. It is hard, slow work and now that I can so tangibly feel that everything rests on my ability to succeed, I do feel immense pressure. I am worried that if it doesn't work out and we eventually get divorced, I will always have the feeling that it was right there in front of me and I failed. I know it is possible she has her own emotional and maturity issues that could prevent success no matter what I do. But obviously right now I am focused on my part and I am trying to balance the need to push myself and work extremely hard, but also not apply too much pressure. I know the work I am doing will pay off for me personally no matter the outcome. "

This is why following sandi's advice right now is so important! She knows what it takes for a WW to start respecting their H again. Some of it will feel unnatural, unsafe, and even wrong. But it is like standing up to the bully at school. It feels unnatural because he is 6'4" and 250lbs of muscle. It feels unsafe because it will likely get you beat up. It feels wrong because running away feels right. But standing up to him, while the above is true and you will get beat up, will earn his respect.

You've got the right attitude. Knowing that wrong steps will undermine you, which will help you remain diligent. Don't give in to your instincts to do those wrong steps, stay strong, and make her respect you!