Is that what the counselor told you? That you were an unforgiving abuser? That counselor used some very harsh words and they took a heavy toll on you. Did this counselor have IC sessions with your W before ever having a joint session?
I think the counseling-therapy profession is filled with charlatans. That's unfortunate because there are some very good therapists but it's difficult to figure out who the good ones are.
My first IC (sort-of MC), didn't really seem to be providing much value. I'd never been in IC before so I had nothing to compare her to, and I didn't look deeply into her background before selecting her. As it turns out, her PhD was in music, not psychology. When I finally stumbled upon the counselor that became my MC, it became clear just how useless my previous IC was. It was literally like night and day.
I don't think a good IC would call you an unforgiving abuser unless there were some truly horrendous circumstances, and if that were the case, then the IC should be telling your wife to run away as quickly as possible. So, I smell a rat.
