Am I Piecing, or Pi$$ing in the wind???

[Clyde]

Hello East

Remember "moral victories are not victories?" You're still trying to win. You will not win by proving that she's lying to you. At best, you will simply train her to be a better liar. You will not achieve anything at all by being "right" here. You will undermine your goals by doing so.

That quote has been imbedded in my head through out this, that being said, at the moment I am 99% sure I am over this M, so while I may not "win", I'm not sure there is anything to lose by drawing this line. To many lies, not to mention the last time she stashed cash (by stealing it from me) she was preparing to leave... and for those of you not familiar w/ my sitch, I'll bring you up to speed - she and her "sister" tried to have me arrested several times for false accusations, when that failed she filed a bogus TRO that got thrown out of the courts 4 days after being served. So this lie in particular is a sensitive subject.

She is somewhat scrambling, trying to explain/debate/argue/lie the last few disagreements away, if she really wants to leave why is she doing that (she said she was done w/ M when I tried to talk to her about her lack of consideration the other day). Once she said that I said fine so be it, other than bringing up the tax return I have not engaged. I know this is a surprise to her, last go round, prior to seperation I was constantly trying to talk things out, not only do I know that is not going to work (having done it once), I do not want to dilute the reasons she is ending the M, the line she is drawing in the sand. She is a master at diverting convos, taking the train off the tracks, if I engaged in these convos w/ her it would sow 10 other things for her to justify her actions. So as she contemplates wether or not to get serious about working on our M or calling it quits she only has these two subjects to contemplate, all that being said... again I do not know if I'm up for it. East, your post has slowed me for the first time in days and encouraged me to re-evaluate my stance, I will do so as much is on the line.

I have been detaching for months, I see her try at times, then completely drop the ball. I've touched base in the last 20 or few post how my needs are not getting met. I am an attractive guy, I've always worked out - been muscular and in great shape, it's been years since she has complimented me on my looks (I tell her how beautiful she is a few times a week), I play guitar and sing any chance I get, I've never heard her say "hey that sounded good" (ok... maybe I just $uck, lol). During separation I went to a few concerts/shows, on more than one occasion I was approached by women interested in me, and you know what - it felt pretty damn good, it's been a while since the W made me feel like that. I've found myself thinking - wow I see how affairs happen... here I am giving my all to this women, how long to I go on banking on the potential of this relationship. I think you get the point, but to be clear, I would never have an affair.

What are your goals? Are your actions helping you achieve those goals?

Even though I may be at a crossroad on my journey, as I go over my goals they are much the same.

Be the best father I can be, take in every moment I am blessed with while w/ my kids and make the most of it.

Continue to grow mentally and spiritually, be the man only a fool would leave. Continue to address my shortcomings and flaws, be more patient, communicate better, work on control issues.

GAL...play more guitar, mountain bike, go to shows, and something I have been putting off for years but hope to start soon luthiering (make guitars!)