Moving past the WAW to a stronger me Pt. 2

[Davide]

Ok. So we talked and it was fine. I feel much better for having had the conversation with her. I am sure that I did things that people here will tell me are naive, but I trust her.

The conversation itself was a bit awkward but I led about it being a good idea to separate our finances some more so that we can both be more independent.

We are both going to open new separate bank accounts which will get our direct deposits and tie to our credit cards. I am going to take my wife off my cards, so they will be just for me. We are going to take 5k or so each out of our joint savings and put them into the new accounts so that we can both live off that until the direct deposits get going - and that way she will have some money to start her new life. We are going to keep the joint accounts for now, but they will only be used for paying the mortgage, house upkeep, and dog expenses. We both have debit cards for that. I know that is dangerous, because she could just walk away with all that money but a) I trust her b) I will monitor and c) our equity in our house is worth more than all of our savings.

We are going to separate our phone plans and I am going to continue to pay for amazon and netflix but she will drop off (she didn't want them.) I will pay the gym bill but she will pay me half each month (it is a lot cheaper as a family membership).

She is planning on living off of her salary alone so I felt no right to give her a budget, she can work that out herself. I asked what happens if she quits her job, and she said that she guesses she will have to find a new one!

As of now the mortgage on the house will keep coming out of the joint account, rather than our personal ones. Once I start living there, I'm not sure if I should take that on out of my account or not. I tried to talk about the value of the house, etc.. but didn't get very far.

There were two strange moments - I asked if she had almost got a car yet, given that I am taking the only family one on Saturday. She evidently has done nothing about it, saying that she was focused more on finding a place to live (although she has two more months in the house.) I reiterated the offer that my boss had made (he has an extra car for a daughter who isn't old enough to drive yet), and this time she said that she would take it if possible. So now, I have to ask my boss, two days before leaving, if that is still a possibility. It's a bit awkward, but he offered, so I'll at least inquire.

Second, she asked me if I wanted her around while I packed up on Saturday. This is strange only because she had previously asked me in an email if I was okay saying goodbye in person on Saturday and I had replied, sure. It seems strange that she would forget that. Or maybe she thought I had changed my mind.

Overall, the conversation went well. I was assertive and cheerful and listened to her thoughts, although she was pretty much willing to go along with anything I proposed. I kept it as upbeat as possible and stressed that I just wanted transparency so that no one got hurt or resentful. I am pretty happy with how it went, although, of course, she is still hell-bent on getting away from me.

Next step... saying goodbye in person on Saturday!