I was certainly never this great domestic wife for my ex. I am a bit adhd/disorganized/needy. He did not come home to a spotless house and dinner. More like a roasted chicken from costco. I was a bit demanding. I called him out on the stuff i did not like.
Our relationship was never one in which i felt under appreciated for all of my hard work. Nor was it one in which i felt scared or criticized.
I dont want to paint an inaccurate picture as this poor, sweet, wife abused into silence and secrecy.
(Although i was very pathetic pre and post BD. And thats when he took advantage and i walked on egg shells. And yeah, i am kind of mad cause i feel that patheticness came from me trying to 180 and follow DB applicatuons that werent really meant for my situation)
I just felt neglected. He was always disappearing. Not a partner. Not much of a dad after son turned 1. And evasive regarding financials. He was very selfish.
Despite my failings, i was and am a good mom. I was very loyal. I was very unselfish in many ways and it came back to hurt me financually. And i am good at communicating. I would have worked with him if he treated me as a partner.
In hind site he was hiding debt and an expensive habit.
The way he left. The coldness, the way i was so easily discarded..the way he talked to me so that i looked liked the crazy one. That has left a lot of scarring.
I am kept busy. I have a good career. Im working on some new goals with my career. Im busy with son. I have a boyfriend.
None of this seems to prevent that scar tissue from giving me pain at certain points.
Sometimes it leaves me numb regarding my new relationship. Like, i dont even know how its possible to love someone that is not part of your family. Or how do you develop a family with someone new that you dont share history with? How do you eventually blend when you dont have children together? Will he be able to love my son? Will we want to give to each other amd saceifice for each other and make 1 life or keep things separate? Is that even possible with different kids and agendas. If not truly possible , whats the point?
