I find myself wanting to confront W about affair, and stand up for myself, but I am hung up on what I can actually do that wouldn't just be controlling.
Okay, let's talk about this. But first, could you answer a few questions? Has the status of the MR been established? In other words, does she consider you as "in-house separated"? Has she clearly stated her future intentions?
Did she ask you to leave the bedroom, or did you volunteer?
So, the counselor used the "abuse" word. Do you feel that your W uses it as her excuse to spend money, or anything else she sees fit? Is she currently seeing that counselor?
Did your W's affair begin before or after you started sleeping in separate bedrooms? Has there ever been inappropriate behavior in the past?
When you mentally picture confronting your W about her affair, what do see her doing.......or what are the results of this confrontation? This is not a trick question, so I hope you'll answer it. I think it is important.
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I also see that doing nothing isn't good for me either. W's behavior is costing me a lot of money, and there is no end in sight for her spending and affair.
Get whatever legal consultation that's available. Learn what you can do.....and what you have no power over. Get advice from the professionals.
Your emotions may reside in panic palace, making you feel that you must "do" something. This is when a lot of LBH's make big mistakes. He feels as if he is sitting back and not fighting for his M. Becoming informed is the first action to take. Do you have a lawyer? Get the legal information and advice regarding bank accounts, credit cards and her spending. Get answers to your questions regarding separation and/or divorce and where you stand.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
