I'm very thankful for all the advice I have gotten as well however this is now The third time that I have made a post that contained several questions and the only thing I get in response is people basically telling me I'm an idiot. And completely ignoring my question
I don't read that at all. Not one little bit.
You are getting Sage advice.
But trust me if I wanted to say idiot, then it would be with a British accent.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
O- I understand the feeling of being attacked, there were times early on in my sitch that I felt the same way and had to step back and take a break from the forums for a few days or even weeks in once case. One of the problems after BD is we are confused and blame ourselves and we seek out whatever support we can get and if we feel like we're getting rejection instead of support then it stings that much worse. I think we vets just need to try and remember a lot of the newer people here have very raw emotions and are hurting badly and we should try to offer assistance while still being sensitive to that. OK to answer your questions/ comments:
Originally Posted By: OrangeK
Thanks guys. Moving forward i only plan to post here about myself, S3, or if i have a need for advice in interactions with her, or maybe a question about D.
No more what ifs, why did she's, how could she's, what is she doing's, why did she do that's.
Done
I understand this feeling of just wanting to "turn everything off" and move on, but recovering from this is a long, slow process. There will be days that you hardly think about your W and days that you can't get her out of your head. Just post about whatever is on your mind that day, some days it'll be GAL and some days venting about how none of this makes sense!
Originally Posted By: OrangeK
First of all I'm glad I called the pediatrician's office today because there was a letter from S3's daycare saying that if he does not have his physical done by Friday he will not be able to be dropped off to school on Monday. So now I even have further documentation from the school that shows that she didn't take him to the appointment and I have copies of the text conversation from over a month ago of her agreeing that she would do it.
Don't make a big deal out of it, this doesn't really prove she's a bad mother or anything. A court's attitude is going to be that it's as much your responsibility as hers, so if she didn't do it and you know that then you need to. You guys are going to be co-parenting for a long time, so try to work together as best you can, it makes things go smoother. There have been times that my ex said she would do something and she just plain forgot, and I would ask her and she would slap her forehead and then get it done. And there have been times the shoe was on the other foot and I was the one that forgot and she reminded me. This is all part of the "new normal" we have to get used to.
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Additionally she has officially added om's name on the list at school of people who can pick up and drop off my son. I have already spoken to the school about this and there's nothing I can do about it outside Court.
It's a crappy situation to be sure, I can understand why you would be upset and your W should have asked you about it before doing it. But legally anyone can be added to the list- a neighbor, family friend, etc. So unless you can prove he's a danger to your son there's nothing you can do.
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Lastly right as I picked up my son ww texted me and said "I hope S3 was good for pick up for you today I washed some of his clothes that came from your place and I will return them to you on Sunday when we swap him again." again this feels like a temp check from her because we already discussed the fact that she had cleaned some of his clothes and she was going to be sending them to me. She is repeating things that we have already talked about and decided on. what is the purpose of doing this?
A temp check is more along the lines of her asking you if you're dating anyone, or thinking about dating, or talking to anyone, or if you might come over and help her change a lightbulb, etc. etc. This just sounds like she was concerned you might get angry about her taking clothes from your house so she was just letting you know she would be returning them.
It was trial and error for me. There were times she would send me pictures of the girls and I would respond by saying "Thanks". Other times she would send me stuff like, "I am on my way", and I wouldn't respond.
You can respond with a "Thanks" and see what happens. It won't make or break your sitch. The only concern I have for you is your ability to not read into anything if she does not respond back or if she is nice to you. If you can't emotionally handle it yet then don't respond.
I was more strict early on with not replying but you have to remember that I had no OM in the picture. It was always kind of uncomfortable to me never saying anything so I tended to mix it up.
Now that we are D'd, I do respond to her texts especially if they are about the girls. If it is just informational a lot of times I just respond with a "K" or "TY".
Any indepth convo's are done via email or when we see each other in person.
I am confused as to when its appropriate to reply, when i shouldn't, how i should word things and what i should say.
Its like playing Operation.
Good job on not responding. There is no need to respond to every text. Plus it will show her she has no control over you anymore (even if she does, she doesn't need to know that).
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Ok, so question regarding the doctor appointment thing from yesterday.
Here is my plan.
I called today and paid the past due balance She never paid from 2017. He has an appointment tomorrow morning to get the physical done.
I plan on completing the appointment, getting copies of the paid invoice including the bill for the physical and the payment of the past due balance. Making 3 copies (one for me, one for court, one for WW) I will put the letter from the school, the paid invoices, and a copy of the complete physical exam form (i wll have copies of all) in S3's folder in his backpack.
I then plan to send the following message.
"When i picked S3 up from school on Tuesday he had the letter from school about needing his physical exam in his bag. I had thought you had planned to take care of that, but i went and got the appointment done today. I also put a copy of the paid invoice in the folder with his letter and a copy of his completed physical exam form. Please remit payment of 50% of the paid balance of medicals bills to me via check or money order as outlined by the stipulations of the medical section of our divorce papers Have a good weekend" ------------------------------------------- How does that plan sound?
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
Yea, i thought of that. I feel the need to remind her of her constant halfassery, but she knows we talked about it and planned it. She likely didnt bring him on purpose knowing I would.
I dont expect re-payment either, even though its court ordered.
We'll See.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
