This morning more journaling than anything. Brief synopsis of my sitch. Been together 21 years M 18, 2 kids still at home. Rough few years financially (lost business, bankruptcy, foreclosure, all of it). BIG strain on MR that wasn't perfect at first, but we were committed to each other (I still am). The strain didn't leave much room for anything and we both took different diametrical paths to get through it which pushed us very far apart. I reached, she withdrew. She decides fall of last year she wants a D. We talk and nothing happens. Over the holidays she recommits to work on our MR. Bad medical issues continually haunt us and that is what kept any connection from happening during this time. 6 weeks later she files for D. We talk and she withdraws the petition a week later. I started doing research and found this site around then, got the book and started lurking, the posting. W still says she is determined to go for the D. Hasn't done anything to move it forward and right now I am working on detachment, 180's and GAL (challenged by our financial situation). DB steps seem to be working a little (I am getting some noticing and reactions along the way) but am cautious as not to react too quickly or read too much into it. We have a long road to go.
This morning I am just a bit melancholy. The weekend was fairly uneventful (no arguments, fights or bad discussions). I thought last night there was going to be one (good or bad you get those feelings sometimes). But, it was just a normal night at home. Went for my run, asked W how day was, she said she was busy all day and was pooped. I went for my run, showered and we watched a little tv together then went to bed.
We are polite with one another and that is all for now. I am very much taking Sandi's advice on this one to treat my W as if she were a cashier at a store. Not unpleasant but not overly interested in the response either. More just in my head this morning and wish I could help the process along with our MR. I feel a ton better about myself, my self worth, my value, and who I am just based on the last few months of work. I realize I was (am) a fixer and I took it upon myself to make sure everyone was taken care of along the way for years. Not doing that all anymore frees up a bunch of time to work on myself. I am still there for my kids, and my W when she needs it. Not at her command, but within reason.
I feel the scales are shifting slightly and I am just concerned that I keep continuing on my path, try my best not to worry about the final outcome, have faith and hope for the best!
M51 W44 T21 M18 D14 S11 BD date 9/17 W filed 02/18 W withdrew petition following week In house separation 03/18 In Limbo and DB'ing since 03/18 W is moving out by mid Nov 2018 A drawing up paperwork 11/18
