Your words always seem to strike the right note for me. I agree 100% with what you are saying. The changes that I am making to my life are for me. I was always a negative person, mainly to myself, lots of harmful self-talk, self-deprecating humor. I let my inner critic take over my life. Later, I made taking care of my depressed wife the focus of my life to fill the hole that I had never addressed. You are right that I lost myself in that and my W even told me that I wasnt the same person she married. I couldnt accept that then, but I realize how true it was now.
That part of my life is over, regardless of the R. I have no desire to ever go back to being that person. Right now I believe that I have worth as a person, hopefully soon, like Maika said, I will simply trust that I am worthy. I am building to that. I like the new me so much more.
That said, I do still struggle to detach fully. I struggle not to care whether or not W sees the changes. I know that I dont need her to live anymore (unhealthy attachment) but I do still love her, and know that I would enjoy sharing my new life with her. I have flashbacks of beautiful moments in the relationship - because for the most part it was good and beautiful. Right now I am learning to accept those thoughts and then let them go. They will always be a part of me.
I truly appreciate your words and attention Benito. I wish you the best of luck in your relationship and hopefully you can keep inspiring me and others on our journey.
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
