I believe x has learned nothing useful or healthy since we parted ways. I believe he's spending energy avoiding the damage he directly caused and the collateral damage is something he cannot face either.
Jim, we release them to their journey, even if they drive thru a cornfield and off a cliff.
We had lunch a little while ago to talk about the divorce, and she told me about her problems. It was all I could do not to point out to her that virtually all of her problems are caused, at least indirectly, by her decision to file and move out. It would have gone in one ear and out the other, though.
What I can tell you is that despite my remarks and journalling here, I am getting to the other side. It is a 2 steps forward, one back, process. But on the whole, more and more, I look forward to MY future. And I don't want to factor others in the choices I make, for the first time in my life. (Of course if the kids needed me, I'd be back. )
But deciding where to live, what to eat, and what job to take or do, is ALL MINE to make. And it's freeing me, finally.
A very wise woman (you) said it's not a linear process, and you are so right. Some days I feel good about where things are going, and others, I am really upset. But it is sooo nice to be the guy in charge with no one to answer to.
Finally, one more point.
I read an article about how to see our new R's (and what we ought to have had in our marriages).
It's the "F--k YES!" factor.
So when I date a man, I don't want to date someone who seems on the fence, or frequently has doubts about his feelings or our R.
I want, and now require a man who says "F- YES!" when asked if he and I ought to spend time together. Not forcing a marriage, by any means.
But I refuse to spend my remaining time on earth wondering where I stand with someone who should freaking know & show it with some gusto.
Do you believe that you deserve this?
This part of your post made me think a little bit. I'm not sure I want someone SO enthusiastic right now. I think if I am going to bask in their "F YES"ness, that I should be considerate of their wanting to spend time with me. I don't WANT to have to be concerned with their feelings. Maybe I'm being very selfish, I don't know, but I just broke it off with a great woman who felt that way about me. She wasn't my priority, and after a while, it just felt like I was using her.
With your new found freedom, when you want to go to the museum, and he wants to go to the ball game (and you really don't), which are you going to choose to do?
M:23 T:26 Me:53, Wife: 60 S:18 D:16 filed 7/16 W moved out 4/28/17
