Thank you for this advice. This is very important for me to hear. I really don't want to know what she is spending money on, nor should I have a right to know. Separating will make that easier.
Did you think my framing of the issue above was fair?
What is fair is what fits your criteria. If you are asking if it's reasonable that's different. But what you and W agree is correct.
--------------------- I am actually going to say the exact opposite. My main core skill is finance.
So unless you make arrangements which are fair to both of you this may blow up in your face. You will be living apart, each paying your own bills. And not knowing what she is doing with money will drive you crazy.
Agreed.
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J9 has it spot on, once you are apart this could get acrimonious. Agree a good fair position now before separation and a start date.
What do you mean by before separation and a start date? Wouldn't it start now, going forward? or should i push it going back to when I left the house?
I mean legal S or start of D. As soon as possible.
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Agree a maximum on her credit card after that she refunds.
If she has her own card already why should I control her maximum? She never carries a balance and pays it off in full each month.
If I read it correctly this pays off from a joint account. Limits can be upped too. Beware a spree on joint funds.
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Once you have that steady then it will remove much acrimony.
It could get awful and cost a lot of L fees. Integral means you include everything, you discuss what happens if either loses their job or gets promoted.
My job is set for the next year. What sort of arrangement would I make if she quit her job? She doesnt want me to support her. She wants to be independent.
Mind reading. Until you asknow you don't know. Perhaps study other travel. Think it through. No assuming, listen with your two ears.
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This is a strong masculine leading position. It has to be done.
Fall short of making it a separation agreement and agree neither of you has taken legal advice and that it can be modified. Find a spreadsheet you can copy with all the expenses on it.
The only shared expenses we have are minimal - 50 dollar phone bill, 100 dollar monthly gym membership, and I am on her dental for 9 dollars a month. Those things can be split up easily. The only other thing we share are the expenses on the house (mortgage et al.) That is a whole nother matter since we are both on the deed, but neither of us is ready to sell it yet. I assumed that I would pay those since I will be living there.
Do your budgets. I think you will be surprised how much two households cost. You are assuming discuss it. If you do will you get extra equity going forward? Is she buying would you get a share of that. Do you need a valuation so the increase in equity is yours from now On?
It is controlling if you are assuming and saying how it is. Discuss and agree it with W.
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Her credit card and salary can be from her account and you agree an extra amount to steady the ship one way or another depending on life circumstances.
If I am giving her half (or whatever the percentage) of the savings, that should be more than enough to tide her over for a year or more, no? Again, she wants independence from me - she is not looking for spousal support.
Careful, if her half goes then all that's left is yours. A judge might further split that.
Once again, you haven't discussed it. You are assuming. Discuss it, listen to W views. Set a fair solution. You are mind reading. Stop. Until you ask how do you know?
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The last thing you need or want is battles with Ls on finances.
I think you can both be reasonable, it's a good place to validate, set boundaries, make agreements and stick to them.
You are probably right. We are both very reasonable and conscientious people, I dont think this should cause a big problem. It does terrify me though - 1. Because I feel like it is pushing her further away (I should forget that thought since she is already gone, I know, I know) and 2. Because I am afraid this will look like more control to her.
not doing this will push her further away. And if you do this, listen validate and agree fairness it is LESS controlling.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
