Family1st, that's a huge shock finding out your wife applied to rent a house and didn't mention it to you. That's also too much of a coincidence that she's liking a guy's photos on facebook with whom she works. There are too many things that don't add up. It's so devastating, shocking, unfair, and painful to find out all this information on top of the problems you and your wife already have.
I've been dealing with this with my husband for several years now. I totally know the physical symptoms that result from being betrayed. I've had insomnia, chest pain, stomach pain, and so many other problems. The stress is unbearable along with all the realizations about what's unfolding in front of your eyes. As I've posted many times on my thread, it's like a nightmare that doesn't end. Every morning you wake up thinking this can't be real and then you remember it still is.
Right now your wife probably thinks she can lie and still keep getting away with what she's doing. It's too bad it's not recommended to involve family because surely if her whole family sat her down and called her out on her behavior she'd think twice.
I'm not a DB expert but I still think you can salvage your marriage although not right away. You and your wife have been together for a long time and have three kids together. It's good that she went to counseling with you. Maybe right now she's having fun and running wild to avoid feeling depressed or to distract herself, but at some point, some day, surely she'll get a reality check either by getting hurt by this other man or realizing she destroyed her family. The hard and sad problem is facing the unknown. It's also agonizing to feel powerless over what's happening. It's terrifying to lose the one you love and to have children who get hurt in the process. It's so selfish of your wife to do this and yet you still have so many happy memories of her and can't believe this is really her.
I loved my husband with all my heart and have suffered through his escapades these last few years without a drop of alcohol, no SSRI's, no family support, and nothing else to numb the pain. I've had a few therapists and a few friends who've cared but it's easy to feel alone and isolated. It's just so hard when you'd do anything to fix your marriage but your spouse doesn't want it.
Most people here offer advice but when the situation is as bad as yours at the moment I think sometimes we just need to listen. There's not much you can do right now to resolve your pain. Perhaps you know as much as you need to know about what your wife is up to and it's been hurtful enough. Your kids must be affected by your wife's preoccupation with her 'work' so perhaps you and your kids can try to support each other and depend on faith, meditation, therapy, or some other coping strategy to survive until the next steps are more clear.
I feel so, so sad to hear of other innocent souls like yourself going through this. It's the worst thing in the world in my opinion.
