Help...Confused Newbie Pt3

[ballast]

I wanted to take some time before replying. Up front I was panicked frustrated and supremely sad when I made my last post. I am a pessimist, worse case personality with my sitch status and that needs to change. Also I think too much which tells me that while I do not engage W, I am not detached as I need to be. I like to feel with time I am getting better but my prior post shows a relapse. Clearly I was looking to draw blood from myself and speak down on myself, blame myself, etc. Best I can say on my faults is that after our D would go down for the night instead of retiring with my W, Id watch sports or use the computer or work on my car. As we had spent the time while D was up together, I thought I was giving W some needed HER time. Only other fault I can say is that I was not wanting sex all the time. I wonder if I was not aggressive enough and she took that as me not being interested. That was not the case at all. I was very much attracted to her, it was more like a topic in which we never fully told each other our needs.

Feel like saying sorry. I knew I needed 2x4s, but appreciate ACC and Stander giving me some shotgun blasts. The W I had as a person I fell in love with was what I cherished most in my life. To feel like she is gone now replaced by someone else and I can not directly interact with her leaves me unspeakably sad sometimes. And Stander I wouldnt question anything is possible. Just hard to see from my current aperture my friend. I was thinking about sitchs that resolve prior to a divorce specifically in my case within a year given my W seemingly hell bent countdown clock. Tobias thank you as a new commentator on my sitch. My W at least as per my IC opinion is in fear perhaps deep depression and it is manifesting itself in anger directed at me. Who knows if that is true or not. I am far from an expert in human psych to know. At least the plausible possibility the IC is correct helps me to balance my feeling of this whole thing being my fault and place at least equal responsibility for my sitch on my W.

Again thank you all truly! When I get off the rails I appreciate greatly how many of you pull me back on to the tracks!