Well thank you all. I rallied pretty easy this time. A.) shouldnt have looked in the first place. last darn time i do that.
B.) Its speculative. Could be nothing. could be bait. could be legit.
C.) If she does have a child / marry OM, it will actually help my sitch in a way. It wouldnt look good, plus i might have my child support dropped if they are sharing income.
D.) I did a better job managing today. I Recognized myself spinning out, i took a long and early lunch. Went home, beat the piss out of my heavy bag, drove back to work with some musical therapy, and am feeling better now than i did when i woke up.
It really is about ME. What she does, doesnt do, or pretends to do doesnt really matter. Do I miss and love the woman she was with me, Yes.
DO i wish our M never broke down and we had a normal happy life. Of Course I do.
Will I always love her? Yea, probably to a degree.
Do I hope she gets help to solve her issues? Yes totally. Maybe one day I can even be there for therapy if she asks for my help in her recovery.
Do i think she will? Not anytime soon. It would take a MAJOR loss and some real hard Rock Bottom. Maybe. I really hope.
Can I still be "Loving" through NC by just being a solid Dad? Yes
Will S3 be ok? As long as i make sure he is. Priority #1
Do I forgive her? No, not yet. I will get there after i can be apathetic about it. I want to eventually be able to co parent nicely. That will take time though
Will I move on and love someone else eventually? 100%
Will I ever be happy again? Hell Yes.
Is there silver linings here? Yes. I am becoming a better man. My son will have a stronger Dad.
Could i have been a BETTER husband? Yes, i see plenty of spaces for improvement.
Do you know your GAL goals? I do. Its game time.
Ive said it before, and been wrong, but i feel a turning point coming. a good one. We'll see if I can really put my head high and pull this off this time. Its summer time, no more screwing around with this.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
Called the pediatricians office today. WW still has not made the payment on the old balance and has not setup his Physical. I will just do it and send her the paid invoice so she can pay me back half. Im not going to text her about this even though she said she would take care of it.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
Called the pediatricians office today. WW still has not made the payment on the old balance and has not setup his Physical. I will just do it and send her the paid invoice so she can pay me back half. Im not going to text her about this even though she said she would take care of it.
Well done on being proactive on this. Your WW is a flake and as such can not be trusted to follow through on anything. So I commend you on staying on top of this.
Also, I would only tell her once you expect 1/2 payment. Document it. And then make sure your lawyer is aware of lapses like this so that it can be entered into the official record, and potentially help your case that she cannot be trusted to handle child support payments properly. May or may not matter, your lawyer will know.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Starting from scratch reading the Rules, Lighthouse, Detachment, some other resources on Narcissism and other types of personality disorders and trying to reign in my boundaries again. Having to deal with WW directly the last few weeks has thrown me all off. Stressing over the D hasnt helped.
I will be redoing my list of goals and daily tasks tonight, after S3 goes to bed.
I initial veered away from a lot of the resources i had been using to understand her personality issues because a lot of those forums were very negative. I am re-visiting some of that info to remind myself what I am dealing with.
After that i will be going for a full purge. I will be deleting any app on my phone that would allow for potential snooping. Deactivating my own FB and IG pages so i cant use them for now and going very very dark. Like inside a pocket of a black coat at midnight in a snowstorm dark.
My plan is to only reply to WW when she messages me, and only if it is about a QUESTION for S3. If she texts to just tell me something, ill simply read it and analyze what it is shes telling me. No need to reply if its just her passing info to me.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
Continue putting 1 foot in front of the other. Early on in my sitch, when she was in full on anger mode, I would go days without speaking to her. Kid exchange was 3 min tops, text responses were 1 word answers and I never reached out unless it was absolutely critical. I am not as hard core any more but we still generally don't talk about anything else other than the kids. Every now and then she will give me some insight into her personal life but it's not because I ask. At this point having conversation with her is fairly difficult because I have no idea what to talk to her about.
Trust me....it will get better and eventually you really won't care.
Thanks guys. Moving forward i only plan to post here about myself, S3, or if i have a need for advice in interactions with her, or maybe a question about D.
No more what ifs, why did she's, how could she's, what is she doing's, why did she do that's.
Done
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
