I simply don't understand...

[Rose888]

I am sorry that you are here, but LoneWlf is right about the great people on the board.

It's always easier to see other people's situations than it is to see your own. From the outside, your situation seems pretty understandable.

You lost your job, you played computer games all day and didn't go out when your wife asked you, you racked up credit card debt. You were most likely depressed, and living with a depressed spouse can really wear one down if one doesn't have excellent self-care skills and strong self-differentiation.

I know the temptation is to focus on the affair, but you can't control that, and that's not the root cause of the problem.

The good news is, you have a lot of work you can do on yourself. Keep your focus there, and work hard to not obsess about what your wife says, or thinks, or whether she notices your changes.

Hang in there. It does get better.