Totally. The first few years after my ex left, I subconsciously chose unavailable men precisely because I wasn't really ready to step back into being fully in a relationship.
Even when I did finally get in a relationship with ex-Mr Tall Dark and Handsome I didn't feel that infatuated feeling; but he was present and appeared caring and I enjoyed the novelty of being adored. After all those Love Avoidant guys I felt like I should enjoy this. He didn't tick off all my boxes but then who does, right?
Unfortunately, as you know, all was not as it appeared with him and I'm still trying to shift his manic focus off of me. I'm getting ready to date again (actual new person dating, not the FWB contact with former Love Avoidant date) but finding it hard to drum up enough enthusiasm. I WANT a steady date, someone I can hang with and share good morning texts with, but do I REALLY want to be all-in? Maybe not. Maybe if my FWB hadn't ghosted me I could have been perfectly happy with a once a month date with him and nothing more. But since he's gone silent I'll have to do some work if I want to date.
I've chatted a little with a potential coffee date guy who seems worth giving a chance. I'll probably meet him next weekend. He seems better employed than some of my previous dates (Air Force then some kind of computer network related work for a large business) . He plays in chess clubs so smart and nerdy (which could be good or bad depending on degree of social impairment). Has a caterpillar mustache that is a turnoff but hoping it looks better in person. Keeping an open mind.
Certainly I'm concerned about my ability to choose well. ExBF certainly pulled the wool over my eyes. And I missed the signs of his bipolar disorder because I was so used to my ex husband's hypomania.
Yet at 62 I feel like I need to start dating again and not let too much more time pass. This one year hiatus was necessary but can't continue. It's been five years since I was Online dating and guess what - the guys are five years older too! I'd like to get SOME time to enjoy a guy before he turns into Santa Claus!
