Affair discovered

[STH17]

Well, I chickened out tonight. We hardly spoke to each other, and she tossed my blanket and pillow into the hallway without saying a word about me having slept in the bed last night. Of course I haven't said a word about her affair either. She was taking a shower and left her phone on the bed. Lock screen showed FB messages from a friend of hers. I now know the friend is aware of W's affair, and is supportive of it. I got angry after reading that. My anger is mixed with disgust. I went to this friend's daughter's 4th birthday party in march with my W and son. I was more hopeful about M then. I was actually invited to go, and the highlight was when W rubbed her toes over mine while we stood next to each other. Times like that make me think I almost was successful at repairing the R. But a few mistakes dashed all that, because there was no margin for error with how strongly W felt about being emotionally abused and her waiting for me to hurt her again.

going to sleep now. On the couch. I will not let sleeping on the couch affect my self-worth anymore though. I know I don't deserve the shame of it. Next is doing doing more to boost my self-respect. I don't think that's something I need to claim from W. My worth doesn't belong to her.