I'm not sure I'll buy the "not expect anything from the younger ones" gambit yet.
And since seeing that email from x to the kids, I have felt a plunge in my desire for any new R.
(Don't get me wrong, I am still seeing M & he is a really kind thoughtful man).
But I'm really stung by my own blindness in the past. I slap my forehead with the "WTF was I thinking/believing/projecting - that a smart woman like me would endure this??"
Which makes me realize I have to figure out how I can KNOW someone enough to let myself be in love with them.
It's going to take time. I'm just not healed, but that's not to say I'm in a bad place.
This divorce was like open heart surgery to me. The recovery period is a long one, but rushing it is a very bad idea.
I'm much better now than I was in the operating room and post op, but I'm not jumping up and down or jogging yet either.
I'm about half way there in terms of really opening my heart up.
Plus, lately I notice I am turned off by the "need for a partner" that I sense in some others. As if a new R is proof that we are desirable people who deserve better than we got. I already know that. And another significant other involved with an un-evolved ME is not the solution to that.
That perceived need to be part of a couple, is part of what allowed me to stay blind and paralyzed for too long.
As I go forward, I'm going to make sure I'm truly fine on my own, so that any coupling is done out of desire, and not need.
Make sense?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
