Affair discovered

[STH17]

"Don't bother coming back" is what I was thinking when I was angry. It's not what i really want to say.
It doesn't seem like there is anything to be gained by continued acts of service, or emotional vulnerability from myself, or an apology, or compassion towards my wife. She has said she wants to be friends. I think I need to lead with that, and ask her what that means to her. Then I'll tell her what it means to me. I don't go grocery shopping and cook dinners for my friends. I don't give more than half my spending money to my friends. I don't put myself into debt so my friends can have spending money. I don't give up my bed indefinitely for a friend. I don't choose where to live and what job to take for a friend (though I will make considerations for my son, and I may have to make a sacrifice for him). I also don't pay for my friends' housing, utilities, student loan payments, and health care, but those are things I think I am on the hook for as long as we are married, and we'll have to work them out in a divorce settlement agreement. Basically all these things are things I've had some resentment growing for a long time. And I've struggled with whether I need to just stop being resentful, or actually establish boundaries with these things. As I learned from the Stosny book, abuse stems from resentment, so I'm wary of pushing for these boundaries when I feel like they are based on my resentments.
You say I can blow the lid off whenever I decide I've had enough. I think I've had enough, but am scared to tell her.