Don't bother coming back" is more what I'm thinking. I think I've seen enough to confirm an affair. I don't want to carry her shameful secret for her. I don't even know if she feels shame, or maybe just fear at what I would do if I found out.
That is fine ^^^^^^^^^, if you aren't doing it just b/c you are upset. Don't do it if you are trying to get her to feel a particular emotion, like shame, guilt, embarrassment, etc. Make your decisions about what you won't tolerate.......not her feelings. See what I am saying?
Sometimes the LBS's misunderstand and think I am saying they have to tolerate their wayward S's affair. To be clear......I am not. I simply try to inform the LBS (especially H's) that it seldom affects the wayward's feelings or actions. I think WW's are the worst about not leaving the home when they've been busted for an A.
You don't have to cover for her affair. In fact, you can blow the lid off this little party whenever you decide you've had enough. I just want you to understand that it usually doesn't go like the LBH thinks it will. Somewhere in the back of his head, he thinks she will respond like her former self........but she won't. She will probably try to gaslight you. She will probably try to remain in the home, especially if she has no other options. I hope she won't, b/c this just rubs the H's nose in the A when she stays in the home. Do 't expect her to do the honorable thing.
Therefore, do whatever you need to do to protect your self respect........but do it with your eyes wide open. Your knowledge of her A will not cause her to end it.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
