Help...Confused Newbie Pt3

[Accuray]

ballast,

You're falling victim to catastrophic thinking. This leads to thinking in terms of absolutes like "never" and "always". You're also desperate for a resolution -- like everyone you hate being in limbo so in the absence of being able to see a path to reconcile, your brain is desperate to conclude "well it is permanently over now!"

You don't necessarily need to *do* anything about this other than realize that its happening and appreciate the impact its having on your thinking and your mood. You still feel very out of control.

Worrying about dating while still living in your marital home is borrowing trouble from the future. That's not a decision you need to make any time soon, and to answer your question it doesn't matter at all. What matters is if you keep "relics" from your prior marriage all over the house and refuse to take them down -- that would freak someone out, but you could do the same thing in a new house and it would freak someone out equally as much.

A house or apartment is just wood, drywall and paint. A home is what you make it. Things have the importance that you attach to them, but they don't have any without the context that you bring.

I live in our former marital house -- when W left I redecorated it and made it mine. Its never been an issue in terms of dating at all and the kids like the continuity of having their bedrooms and home persist through everything else changing.

Forget any concerns about dating and new people for now, that will take care of itself when its time, and its nothing to worry about. There are hundreds if not thousands of wonderful people out there to meet and date.

For now, focus on you and working through your feelings. Your statements of loving and missing W are deep expressions of loss. Process that, feel all of it. Really, there's no place to hide from it so you have to go through and come out the other side. There is another side, however, and when you get there I promise you'll be fine.

Acc