Affair discovered

[STH17]

Doodler, you're the little red devil on my shoulder. It's so tempting to do exactly as you say. I just think that would turn the divorce into something even uglier though. But I agree I need to draw a line that prioritizes my self-respect over my self-sacrifice for a marriage my W has left. I had tried making my wife my priority for six months, and I might have continued if she hadn't started an affair. She wants (or wanted) unconditional love from me in our marriage. I think I need a separation from her to figure out if that's possible. How do you love someone who has no respect for you, tells you they hate you, wants a divorce, and cheats on you? When she asked me to leave in December because she "wasn't healing" with me there, I protested saying I didn't see how our marriage could be healed by creating even more distance between us. We were still seeing our marriage counselor at that point so I thought working on our marriage was a common goal. I don't think that was ever her goal when we were in marriage counseling. Now I think my wife is gone beyond recovery, and to put any more energy into saving our marriage only makes me lose myself too. I've lost myself just as much as she has lost herself in our marriage. I had wanted to find ourselves together. I don't think I've told her that in those words, but that would just be an emotional plea at this point too soooo too late, irrelevant? My wants and desires mean nothing to her. Yet I still am torn between pursuing a job close to where we live now, or moving out of state closer to family like she wants to. That's something I need to do this week, is just apply to all the jobs I've found that I'm interested in, regardless of where they are.