My WAS - looking help and thanks in advance

[Surfer]

Ovrrnbw,

Apologies - I have had some technical issues with posting. Just trying to catch up.

All of your responses seem sensible - but be careful you are not trying to fool yourself. There consistent (habit) changes the LBS needs to make in these situations. You highlight that you are making progress on these (which is excellent). But be careful to make sure you are (absolutely consistently) - there is a tendency to 'think' you are but may not be. You will see what I mean as you progress (i.e. you may slip on detachment, falling into bad communication habits etc). Don't assume you are there 100% and remain vigilant for your behavioural patterns, should the falter.

In terms of the following:

4. I need to respond, rather than say nothing to not engage, right? I've been mostly silent when she tries to start a fight.

DB Coaches have suggested to me to consider your WW as sad (not bad) and try to listen and validate. You don't need to speak as such - mainly to listen. But should she start to cross boundaries (become disrespectful, try to create an argument, talk about OM etc) let her know you are not happy about that - tell her confidently and fairly and move on or leave the room if you need to.

There are so many ways to deal with this, but IMHO the main point here is to not let her corner you to start a fight - it won't improve your R.

Surfer.


Did,

Search poster (display name) you can then posts and then you can actually print their thread to a PDF - I find this easiest.

Surfer.