Definitely not reading anything into it. Before all this happened we used to put a whole string of little kisses on the end of our texts but as he started to pull away they got less and less and now i only get two so that's why I think the extra one might have been an accident!
When you say ''NOT A MISTAKE', do you think he is toying with me or testing me for some strange reason?
Me - 47 H - 45 D-16 M - 6 years Separated - May 16
Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')
I don't think it's an accident either. I think he's trying to pull you right back into the game of distancer/pursuer. It's not uncommon for them to do this.
Don't say anything to him about it Let him think whatever he wants to about your non-response.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hey Job, thanks for stopping by! I hope you are doing okay?
I don't think I've ever really experienced any pursuit from H in the whole two years! Unless he does it very subtly! He has definitely been a distancer who seems to want to have contact but only when I initiate. Why is that?
I won't mention it to him at all, in fact I don't know why I am making such a big deal of it!
Right, given myself a good talking to! There is no point in dwelling on theses little, inconsequential things that don't add up to or really mean very much!
Happy Friday everyone!
Me - 47 H - 45 D-16 M - 6 years Separated - May 16
Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')
I am glad that through your struggle you have the insight to see that you have grown a lot.
Don't put pressure on yourself about any upcoming get togethers. Do not try to win him back. By all means shine, but no pursuing.
Best wishes
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
Hey Roist, great to hear from you! I was glad to read your post this morning as it set me up for the day! 'Don't try and win him back' that was what I need to hear!
Journaling: so H came over today after texting me in the morning to ask if I needed anything for the BBQ. I said to just bring drinks.
When he came over we both loaded up his car with stuff for recycling including and old piece of exercise equipment which was very heavy. I asked H if he wanted me to go with him to the recycling centre to help and he said that would be good. It was my first time in his car since he changed it about a year ago. It was strange! Funnily enough I commented that the seat back position of the passenger seat was really far back and he told me to adjust it to how I want it as 'no one usually sits in the passenger seat anyway'. Was he trying to tell me something...? When we we're in the car I stayed very quiet, which is very hard for me! It must have made him feel uncomfortable as he kept asking me lots of questions, which is very unusual for him!
When we got back he suggested we start up the BBQ and that is what I started to do but very naturally we both fell into our usual jobs and he took over the BBQ with me fliting from kitchen to BBQ! He went and got the BBQ utensils himself and literally did the whole thing. I did comment that I didn't mean for him to do the cooking and he said he really didn't mind. It really was like old times, like he never left.
Afterwards we watched a film and he has just left to go get ready for work tomorrow. I don't really know what to think. I hope he had a nice day. We did talk about some old memories with D and we all had a laugh. The ball is in his court now. I've done enough to pave the way. Although he is still very distant from me which I guess is normal. After all it wouldn't do to show that he likes me!
Another thing is that each time he hugs and kisses me when he goes to leave he does a little giggle. What's that about!
Anyway, I survived!
Me - 47 H - 45 D-16 M - 6 years Separated - May 16
Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')
Sounds like it was a good day and everyone had a good time. You gave your h plenty to think about in the way of good times, food and people.
Not every MLCer will have someone waiting in the wings. Some just like to be on their own and experience life by themselves. Maybe your h is one of them.
I wouldn't try to read into what he says or does. Maybe the car seat was back because he was cleaning it and forgot to move it forward or he gave someone a ride and they were tall.
As for the giggle, who knows what is up with that. Maybe he's still age a very young teenage life and giggles because he thinks he's hugging and kissing his mom.
Again, can't read into this stuff or it will drive you nuts.
Keep the focus on you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
