Affair discovered

[STH17]

Well, pretty sure W is still having PA now. She's even got a pattern now, going out on Sundays, getting dressed up nice. Only other time she ever does that is for her job. This time when she left home her bag of sex toys was out on the bed, the only thing missing from it being condoms this time. Just found that a few minutes ago and came to write this. I feel betrayed and angry.

I got the book I mentioned previously, and another one, You Don't Have to Take It Anymore by Steven Stosny. From what I've read so far I can tell that the Stosny book probably could have saved my marriage if I knew I needed it two years ago. I understand it's probably too late to save my marriage now, and W is becoming less and less attractive to me the further she strays. The Stosny book says resentment is the root of emotional abuse, and it must be replaced by compassion for healing to happen. The book is also big on developing one's sense of core value, both for the abuser and victim. The book also shuns those labels, as neither are really integral to a person's core value and true identity. So lots of good stuff in there, probably too late for my current marriage but worth working through for myself and my son and any future relationships I might engage in.

I took care of my son all last week, only working 4 hours instead of 12 at my part-time job. And I went to the dentist on Friday and paid almost $600 for three fillings. And our car needed a new alternator this week which cost $800. W's hospitilization is likely to cost a few thousand as well. I've always paid off our credit cards in full every month, but we might now have to start carrying a balance.

We are now in the time period where W has always said she would be leaving. Her job has ended, and so has son's preschool. We don't have any plans for him to attend school next year, which I feel really bad about. He has asked several times what comes next after summer, if he's going to a new school. I'm heartbroken because I don't have any good answer for him. Eventually we'll have to tell him mom and dad won't be living together with him anymore either. He doesn't deserve a broken family, and it makes me so sad.