She knows that I have been 100% dedicated to her, loved her, and cared for her since the beginning. I want to be a good husband to her...I don't hold on to her mistakes (well, until this happened), she knows that if she came back she would still have my love and respect...although my trust would have to be earned back. I'm not a pushover.
I have always gone out of my way to make sure that she could have her own life, her own friends, and her own free time.
I also believed that marriage was for life, and I meant it when I said my vows to her. And she would still have all of that.
Except she would be getting back a person who is more aware of my role in what went wrong, and who would take steps to avoid getting to that point again. I would be more engaged with the family altogether...both her and our S. I know what he's up against with his ADHD diagnosis, so I would be a dedicated leader in helping him grow to have the best life he could. And the same for her.
If she came back, I would work to correct our issues to the best of my ability. And yes...I would do what I could to put this all in the past. And if she comes back, and she actually does earn my trust back...then she will have my trust again completely. Even if it bugs me from time to time, because I know that it'll always be somewhere in my head, but I wouldn't use it as a weapon to try to control her...it would just be a speed bump at that point.
Right now, that speed bump is a brick wall.
I'm a very forgiving person. And I know that right now, I don't have to be. But I can be, and I'm willing to forgive and move on.
I don't think a lot of people would be.
I'm not spineless. I have been. But that's over. The guy she met that night at karaoke...well, I'm still here. And I'm still waiting, hoping that she'll change her heart.
But I'm not her doormat, and all I expect is honesty and effort to prove that she's worth my time...because to me, she absolutely deserves to be treated with love. And she had that, and she can absolutely have it again if she wants it.
Our son deserves a strong family. I'm all in for that. I'm all in for helping him with or without her. But I would love her company on the journey.
She is the only person that I've ever been in any kind of R with that made me feel free to be myself. And I miss that feeling.
I'm older, tired often, my emotions run very strongly...but I'm also caring, forgiving, loyal, and willing to work to make her feel comfortable enough to be happy with me.
It's totally up to her. We're all human. We all make mistakes. Some of those are pretty epic. But we all need to feel loved and respected. And that's what she'll get from me.
